Awareness....

Thoughts on Awareness…

 

I often find myself writing “RN aware”, “Dr. aware"…at the same time that I am reminded what awareness  really means… I don’t believe that being told factual information equates awareness, and I don’t believe that awareness or being aware is as simple as being told something. Knowing is very different than awareness, as is understanding.

Self awareness

            This is something that I always think I know 100 percent. I know me, if nothing else in the world exists, I know that I see, I feel, I hear, I taste, I smell, and I do.  I am learning that even 100 percent certainty can change….and this frustrates me! To accept that I fully admitted to being completely 100 percent certain that I wanted to be a NICU nurse and to now experience a slight shift in  my desires….is fascinating. Only change is certain in this life. I am beginning to admit to MYSELF that…..well…there is A LOT that I want to do. I do want to be a NICU nurse, but I want to be so much more…. I want travel!, I am passionate about humanity…I love babies, but I am passionate about  all people. Women, and family, and equality. health promotion, illness prevention, health “awareness” for everyone…. Global health and equality is a very profound part of my nature. I make mistakes….I am learning….and not just how to be a Nurse, but how to be a 30 year old single working parent, in full time school, dealing with health issues……I mean I am living my life, inside these circumstances, consciously aware of how I am limited, as well as elevated, due to those “facts”. I am aware that I have a lot of growing to do as a Nurse, but I know that it is more of a growing “into” as opposed to a becoming…I am self aware enough to know that nursing is not a choice for me, it’s what I am meant to do……If I could only be aware of where I leave the MAR….we’d be on a roll!

Awareness of others and their awareness of me...reflection

                                            

 I see an image when I look the mirror and I interpret it……based on my whole life, everything that I have ever been told, how I have felt, what I value, what I fear, what I hope and wish for, what I expect and what I feel I am lacking. How could I imagine for one second that everyone who looks at me doesn’t also form an opinion based on all of those things in their life? Maybe I remind them of someone, maybe someone that they miss, or love, or despise….but being aware of them, and trying to comprehend how I am impacting others, has led me to forget how my awareness of their awareness might be changing how I come across…complicated? YES. So back to basics this week. I took the time to evaluate what I was bringing into the room….into the relationship…what was my purpose? And I learned that a Nurses purpose is undefined….that’s the difference between a Dr. and a nurse….. a Dr is there to give answers, to diagnose, to treat…..a nurse is there to ask all the questions that you are too afraid to ask, and all the questions that you think are not important. A nurse is there to observe…..to notice slight changes, in your mood, your attitude, your skin colour. A nurse is there to be aware…and to gain that awareness through experience not just through someone elses’s words in a chart.

Global awareness and beyond

We only know what we experience. We often believe what we are told. And we tell others what we believe to be true. There is so much on the news about Boston and these 2 brothers and the impact that they have created. I found myself felling pretty irritated at the fact that they are getting all this attention…..The world is becoming very aware of what they “did”, but are failing to see that many MANY people died that day, in other parts of the world….in much more excruciating ways, for no reason. North America was not blessed to be populated by a better type of human beings who deserve more attention….there are woman in India with dreams too, there are kids in Korea who just want to be kids…..but the media focuses on this one instance and all the world watches and OOOOOHS and AWWWWs….people are dying needlessly all over the place, and as human beings we ought to look at compassion and awareness as opposed to pity and blame. It is imperative that we develop self awareness as well as global awareness if we are ever going begin to heal the hurt that exists I this world

            This week the awareness started with myself. How can I be more aware? What does that even mean? What changes when I choose to become fully aware of myself? My patients?  My neighbors? My family? The world? What do I have to accept to allow true awareness into my life and what will that change in me as a nurse?

In need of a break

I am very aware that I need a real break. More from school than from nursing….I am tired and I can not wait for the end of this level. Level 3 was great, for sure! Kids, babies, mommies, and mental health…all stuff I truly love…..immunology = not love….and I truly hated jumping from one ward to the next and then the next and being expected to be proficient at ANYTHING in 4 weeks…..we were the perpetual new kids, no time to really get comfortable….not an easy feeling for me. I learned a huge amount, but I didn’t get a chance to fully experience everything that I learned about. My next 4 week rotation is going to be in Central America, away from pbl papers that are never ever perfect, and far FAR away from immunology lectures that I just can not grasp, no matter how much I want to understand. This is the half way mark……must…..keep…..gooiiinn…..Ah forget it, I’m going to bed. Tonight I pray to the immunology gods that somewhere in this brain of mine….enough has been retained to get me through the final exam.

 xoxo

Alana- Student Nurse