The Resistance

People have told me before about being stuck between a rock and a hard place.....and I get that, some decisions are so hard. I feel like, if I only had a rock OR even a hard place....I would feel so much better. here we are....17 weeks later....changed....and now they set me free "have a great summer", "enjoy your break", "you have earned this time off".....HELLLLOOO? can you see me? I don't want a break....I don't need time off, because I am just getting going....And yet.....
Anyone who has have ever ridden a BC ferry on a super windy day, knows exactly how I feel right now. I have forced the door open, and am pushing through the resistance of the wind......take a picture, because it's sunny out!, It's so pretty and look how lucky we are to be finished level 1...we made it and all the world is smiling, and the pictures will show the crystal blue waters, and the clear skies....but only those who walk with me in the wind know the resistance I am up against.....I just want to help heal the world and all of a sudden, people notice a shift in me....the energy has changed and now I have to fight...I just want to move forward, put one foot in front of the other.....does it have to be so hard? I'm not that different, but now.... there is no hiding it. Some are proud (love you mommy) but some are filled with anger.....I know that this is there own journey....but I am just trying to move forward.....somehow I HAVE shifted, because I wont pretend anymore that I am not a leader, I wont pretend that I don't mind being pushed around. I have work to do, and I plan to get 'er done. I don't care if it makes you uncomfortable that I have the potential to change the world, and also the desire to do so, and I don't care if it pisses you off that I am going make a difference....because that is what I am here to do. Somewhere over the rainbow a small child has lost their Mommy, and somewhere else, not so far away, a family is sick with infection....they will die, because they cannot afford the health care that they need......and I wait...I wait for the day that they say I can take the test, and when I pass it, I will do everything that I can, for everyone that I can...because that is who I am. 17 weeks later....I am not nervous. I am not anxious. I am not excited...I am waiting. Because 17 weeks later, I am confident, and I know, that this is who I am. Nursing is a part of me, and so I wait. And the whole world holds its breath for the storm to pass, because when when it does, peace will remain. I know that. It's just a little uncomfortable when it feels like the whole world is pushing against you. I will draw strength from those who have walked before me, and I will trudge through the expectations, the judgements, and the whispers of those who think they know about me, who think they know about Nursing....and I will keep my head held high....because I am not a nursing student...I am a Student Nurse, I AM a leader, and I AM going to make a difference, no matter how hard the winds blow. I will stand my ground and after you run out of steam, hope will remain.....and forgiveness....and then level 2. I am exactly where I am meant to be.....bring on the rain