I have sooo much to tell you about my trip and my experiences
in Roatan! I have so much to share about the beauty, the culture, the
experience of the clinic, the smells, the sights, the sounds, the feelings, the
people….the amazing people….but my trip took an unexpected turn…..one that I
really feel like I need to put on the page in order to continue to work
through…. Some of you may have seen the clinic blog with a shortened version of
this story, and many of you (thanks to facebook and the wonders of technology)
know that I was in accident where I was badly burned, but I
feel like I need to put the story here…. I treat this blog like a journal, so
this version might be a bit different than those you have read ….
My clinic stories will come soon, I promise!
On June 24,
at about 740 pm, I was watching the Boston game at a local restaurant in the
West End of Roatan, when my volunteer nursing mission took on a new shape…..my
priorities changed…. drastically, from helping to heal the
people of the community…..to surviving what was the most horribly scary, and
painful experience of my life….
I had just
come to the West End from Sandy Bay about an hour and half prior, to have a swim
and cool off. I had spent the day doing eye exams for kids in the community,
and even made the Roatan news in a little mini interview! I had some delicious fried chicken for lunch in Coxen Hole, and enjoyed the company of fellow volunteers. It was an awesome day! But it was long. I was tired and hot. I debated just swimming off Peggy’s dock, like I had done a zillion times before, but decided that I was hungry too, and there were still so many places I wanted to eat at before my last week was over. I also needed to have some time to just be on my own.
My trip was winding down and I needed some me time to take in the island. I
went to the beach at Sundowners, and had a very refreshing swim. It even rained
a little bit, which was extra refreshing. I decided I better venture down the
street and find a snack…… I changed out of my wet bikini top, into my beach
dress, re applied my bugspray, and
headed off. I ran into my pal Karly and her man , who were in Roatan for a few
days visiting. She was enjoying an ice cream on her way back to their hostel…..I
realized that I had been on the island for a month…and still had not tried the ice cream from that
little place on the corner… I made a mental note to do that after dinner….
 |
| the beach at Sundowners |
I passed an
agitated tourist and overheard her conversation with some locals…..she was
complaining that there was no pain medication on the whole island. She had just
had surgery, 27 stitches, and no meds…. I wouldn’t usually intrude, but I hate
to see people in pain….plus I didn’t believe her… “Have you gone to Miss
Peggy’s?, I am sure we have something there”. “Yes”, she replied…”nothing
stronger than Tylenol 3”….. that can’t be right, I thought, but I was hungry
and not interested in debating the issue….I wished her well and continued on my
way….. By this time I already decided that if the little BBQ place that Lisa
and I ate at on her last Sunday, was open, I was going there. The wings were so
good, and I wanted to see what else they had to offer. I was so happy to see
the BBQ smoking, and to see a few people sitting at tables. I went in and
noticed there were female bartenders working. Since I was on my own, I didn’t want to
take up a whole table…. So I pulled up a seat at the bar, close to the middle
so I could still feel like part of the action…..and asked for a menu.
Turns out my favorite wings were on
special! I ordered and settled in.
What
followed for the next hour or so was nothing short of a nice, relaxing time. I made
friends with one of the bartenders who was also a single Mom going through
school, I had some of the best wings of my life and watched a little hockey. I
got a call from Cassidy that everyone was at the beach house for a potluck. I
hung up and decided it was getting to be time to head back. I needed a shower
anyways. The place had filled up, and all the staff were working hard to keep
the customers happy. Being in the service industry myself, I know how annoying
it can be when people are demanding things from you, while you are clearly in
the middle of something else, so I was waiting for my window to ask for my
bill.
Another
bartender, who will remain nameless here, was making a drink for another table.
I had watched him make one when I was first arrived and was curious about
it….it looked crazy. He called it the Blowtorch. It had 2 different types of
rum, some other stuff, and was set on fire. As he was explaining it to me, he
walked around to the front of the bar…. About 4-5 feet away from me… some other
patrons still separated him and I, and the drink that changed my life. He decided
that the fire part of this drink, wasn’t impressive enough, and asked one of
the gals to add some 151……I remember thinking “bad idea to pour alcohol on an
open flame”…. And like a scene from a horror movie, the 151 hit the flame, the
flame jumped. It came at me like a wild animal attacks it’s prey.
I was
engulfed by the hot angry fire and there was no turning back. My whole dress
went up in flames as the blaze surrounded my upper body and went up over my
head. I was being consumed and I had no
where to go…..Someone screamed…. It might have been me, but I don’t remember… I
tried with all of my might to back out of the situation, pushing the flames down
with my forearms. It was burning me and refused to let up. I remember my face
hitting the ground and someone on top of me, I remember realizing the fire had
stopped, I heard him say “ we have to go
to the pool, ok?” I found the strength to stand up….. I saw a full bar of
people staring at me....shocked…and it hit me, I was just set on fire. I
was angry, scared, and in the worst pain of my life. I started to cry…. I felt so sorry for myself
for about 3 seconds and then a sense of peace came over me. I kept hearing in
my head “something good will come from this, everything happens for a reason,
something good will come” . I jumped into the water and submerged myself up to my lips......no relief....As the skin fell away from my body, I remained calm
enough to instruct this bartender on how to find my phone, to find Peggy’s
number (which just happened to be saved in there from the last person who used
that island phone), I told him to call Peggy and tell her we need her to go to
the clinic. I told him to call Cassidy, to call Susan, and to get me to the
clinic. When I arrived, about 10, hot,
excruciating minutes later, Cassidy met me outside and brought me into the very
place where I had spent the last 3 weeks
treating patients. Peggy was there, calm and cool as a cucumber. I was handed a
small paper cup with 2 Tylenol 3’s...."what is this?" I thought it was a joke….I suddenly
remembered that woman in the street……the horrifying realization hit me…. She
was telling the truth….there is nothing on this island for pain…….Peggy’s voice
echoed in my head “It’s all we have”…..
 |
My new butterfly
I
reluctantly accepted the reality (because I clearly had no choice) that if I
was going to get through this, I needed to focus…. I needed to NOT feel sorry
for myself, I needed to NOT worry about the final outcome, or question “why
me”, I had to gather every ounce of strength and faith that I had, and I needed
to get myself through this night. I borrowed some strength that night.
There were people in that room, supporting me, caring for me, helping me cope.
My fearless instructor, Susan, who used many of the skills that she had spent
the previous semester teaching me, to try and keep me in an ok place mentally,
my friend, and SN superstar Cassidy, the poor guilt ridden guy who not only set me
ablaze, but who also happened to save my life.... the always strong and clear
headed Miss Peggy, and Dr. Raymond…..the most genuine, honest, skilled, and
caring Doc that I have ever met. Manu…..who I had spent not only that day, but
also a good portion of the last 3 weeks with, watched from a distance…..he didn’t say
much, but I knew he was there…..his presence speaks volumes. Dr Eric, who I was
just having the pleasure of getting to know was there for a bit as well…. I
borrowed from each of them…. I borrowed strength, I borrowed bravery, and I
borrowed peace. I borrowed from my family too. Although I didn’t sleep that night, I
survived. My heart continued to beat on its own, my lungs effortlessly filled
with air, providing my body with the necessities of life…. I was grateful
for each and every breath. I didn’t understand how it was possible for my
bottom lip to be burnt, my right nostril to be burnt, but my lungs to be
completely unaffected…. How did fire
shot up over my head, but leave my face and hair almost entirely unaffected……I
was filled with gratitude and awe……I thought about my Mom and how I didn’t want
to tell her because I knew she would be sad and scared. I thought about Paige,
and tried to find the right words to explain to my little 7 year old, the
nightmare that I had just experienced. I thought about that bartender….and how
every moment in my day…and likely my life, had let me to that barstool at that
exact moment. I thought about Alex, about how we were supposed to go snorkeling
with little Ashley….I thought about everyone who had supported my year long efforts
to get to this place, so that I could help this community. I thought about how
I was now getting a very different perspective on the clinic and the irony made
me smile. |
I was in so much pain, and each day, people
came to see me, they offered prayers and love, and anything else they had. Dr.
Angela stood up for me, and my needs with the insurance company, and I am so
thankful she arrived the same night of the accident. It was becoming clear that
there way too many “coincidences” which I don’t believe in anyways, for this to
be some random freak accident…. It was supposed to be me in that bar stool, I
remembered that I am always exactly where I am meant to be for my journey, and I
began to dig deeper….
What is the
point? What is really going on here? What is the message? It just wasn’t
possible that something bigger wasn’t
in the works……..The project that evolved
can be found at the bottom of this page. I don't want to imagine what would have
happened if that clinic wasn’t there, or if I was just a tourist and didn’t
even know of the clinic….. they need
help to sustain the level of care that they provide.
They need a
trauma center….or a trauma….area, that is capable of dealing with this type and
any other type of emergency situation…. This is going to take a lot of
time….alot more money, and a lot of
teamwork, but I know that those things…..much like the events that led
to this whole ordeal… will line up exactly when they are meant to.
When I
arrived in Roatan on May 25 2013, I was full of hope, excitement, and
gratitude. I felt a strong connection to the clinic long before I arrived and every day I was thankful to be a part of it. I made
lifelong friends at that clinic and soaked in every second. When I was rushed
to the airport and flown out 4 days
early, I was filled with those same feelings….. hope, peace, gratitude, and
excitement for what is possible.......
The doctors at home were impressed with the work of my Honduran care team. They were very impressed with the speed of my healing…..which is thanks, in part to you….I am humbled by the amount of love that was sent my way. Thank you. It’s proof enough for me, the power of thought and intention. Everyday I get better but I will never ever forget.
The word
Kaizen means “small continuous improvement” which I think is very fitting…thank
you for your support-
please share this link with all of your friends!
“Fire symbolizes renewal, creation, and destruction through
transformation. A passionate polarity
that offers emotional power and drives heartfelt endeavors”
- Kelly Oswald- Buddha Nature- awaken to your life-
XOXO- Alana-Student Nurse
